Video Games Suck

by Austin
8.08 V1.2

Game Reviews Without the Bullshit

Red Steel - (for the Wii)
EPIC FAIL

First off, damnit!!! I bought this game as soon as I could thinking it was gonna have free-motion with the sword, WRONG! You wave your arms back and forth and it slashes like old people screw, awkwardly. This game is also one of the worst first person shooters ever because of the Wii controls. I was so excited to play it but after an hour I NEVER PLAYED IT AGAIN! With all the Japanese yakuza violence, you'd think it would be more fun.

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare - (for XBOX 360)
WIN

My god, this game is amazing. I think tree loving anti-war hippies could even get into it. The game play is smooth and you won't be able to blink. I suggest starting in easy as you will consistently get your ass handed to you. In the 'veteran' mode it's even worst but, it still beats the shit out of every other first person shooter right now. I hope the programmers got lots of bonuses for this.

Oregon Trail - (on my shitty cell phone)
WIN

This is awesome. The characters look like Metal Slug pioneers. It's one of those games to have as a backup on your cell phone just in case you go on a really long car ride or have to endure some kind of boring occasion. I can't count the hours lost to this game on the Apple II back in grade school. Still love it.

Tiger Woods Golf 07 - (for the Wii)
SEMI-WIN

Yes I got really into this. Virtual golf is one of my guilty pleasures. However, it will piss you off so bad the first few times you play it. This has been the only game so far that made me purposely hurl my Wii controller across the room. Addictive nonetheless.

EA Skate - (for PS3)
EPIC WIN

Screw Tony Hawk's game franchise, this game mops the floor with his overpaid ass. The physics in the game give you a feeling of true to life skateboarding (the way you manual or ollie) and the thumb controls do it for me in a big way. Finally, a game that comes as close to first person skateboarding as possible, I've got to say this is one of my all time favorites.

Grand Theft Auto 4 - (for XBOX 360)
ANOTHER EPIC WIN

I was really getting bored with this franchise but, Rockstar Games have redeemed themselves with this one. My favorite thing to do is figure out new and inventive ways to commit suicide. So far I have driven a car off the Empire State Building onto a police car, dove out of a helicopter onto the blades of a police helicopter below me, and done a back flip on a motorcycle while holding a grenade and exploding in mid-air. Good stuff.

Some UPCOMING RELEASES
* Diablo 3 (tba)
* Gears of War 2 (tba)
* Rock Band 2 (sep. 2008)
* Doom 4 (tba)
* Bioshock 2 (2009)

There's a lot going on in the gaming industry now. All three major console makers are battling it out for dominance. While XBOX is still dominant with game title selection, Playstation has dealt a killing blow with it's ability to play Blu-Ray disks. Nintendo continues to make their console smaller, lighter, and more interactive making multi player more fun.

Now, with the advancements in physics simulation and processing we're at the forefront of something wild approaching. You can bet that there are new consoles in the works to release in the next couple of years. How far they will push the limits of gaming in the next 5-10 years is still a mystery. I just hope it starts costing less money, greedy bastards.

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