Riversuck

by Nic Evans
3.09 V2.0

Standing around in the insufferable heat with all the people I try to avoid on a daily basis, waiting in line to buy overpriced beer, then shuffling through shoulder to shoulder with that same group of people trying to get from point A to point B to see whichever has-been 70's rock group or pop-country singer they wrangled in this year. Periodically running into some dipshit from high school who thinks that even though I haven't attempted to contact them in ten years I should know and care who they are.

"For the last time dude, I really don't remember you, I did a lot of drugs then!"

Paying for the luxury of sitting on a piece of grass that would be free to sit on any other day of the year. Having to find said piece of grass that's not occupied by billy badass, his stupid toothless whore and their fat fucking kids. Finally getting situated and realizing with dread that I have to make another half hour trip through the throng of idiots to get another beer or take a piss.

"If you look at me like that again you stupid cunt, I'll cram that fucking corn dog down your throat!"

By this point I'm really wishing I would have brought an Uzi with me so I could start mowing down innocent bystanders. Then in a fit of rage, realizing that I'm ultimately responsible for the situation I'm in, I turn the gun on myself, splattering my brains all over the people behind me. My body left in a pile of plastic wrappers, cigarette butts, empty Dixie cups, and someones gum they so thoughtfully spit on the ground.

PASS.

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